Yes I know that criticizing Michael Bay is about as difficult as making fun of George Bush and no less over done. But he is really annoying me, so I felt I needed to get it out of my system, enjoy!
Dear Michael Bay
I am an avid cinema fan and I have watched you achieve some semblance of prominence in the industry. You have risen from your role as (checks Wikipedia) a goon in Miami Vice, to a director known for high budget films that are almost universally critically panned; yet inexplicably do well in the box office.
Now lets get things clear I was more than contented to sit back and watch you ignore you as you make horrible films based on toys or pubescent action filled fantasy, but then you founded a certain ‘Platinum Dunes’ production house, and began merrily producing god-awful remakes of classic horror movies. The first film produced under this rein of terror was ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, now this film was panned by almost every reviewer under the sun, but what made its existence particularly offensive was the original. You may not know this, but the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was in no uncertain terms a masterpiece.
This film created tension and foreboding using a variety of techniques; from the opening scene it revealed itself as a cut above (terrible pun) both its competitors and its progenitors in the genre, it perfectly created the essence of a nightmare.
But here comes the remake to completely miss the point, you made it just another generic slasher flick, and when I mention it the thing most people think of is simply the crappy Platinum Dunes remake, there mind does not flow to the meticulous sound design, fantastic shooting and lynchian feel.
By no means is this an isolated incident they released the Friday the 13th, a prequel to Chainsaw Massacre and they have a nightmare On Elm Street on the way, all of which have been produced by you. I am going to be frank and I am genuinely sorry if you find this offensive, but you are probably the second worst director currently getting work in Hollywood (just behind Uwe Boll): your dialog is horrible and you seem to think explosions make up for a general lack of film quality.
Let me explain to you an analogy that I thought up, lets say explosions are salt, and the plot acting ect the very substance of what makes a movie, a movie is the…lets say chips. Salt complements the chips it gives it flavor to a point. Now if someone were to look at one of your movies with that analogy in mind one Would see this.
this is transformers 2: revenge of the character who was not mentioned in the original film once.
Some of your movies are simply a few chips under a pile of salt (The Island). But there are no chips under that pile of salt pictured, I came out of Transformers 2, thinking not that that it had plot holes, but “oh my god, Bay has done away with coherent plots all together”. You see how this is? In order for your films to have plot holes, it must first have a plot. But getting past the fact you shoot with the mentality of a twelve year old, lets look at your film ‘legacy’ you are most well known for The Transformers films (did you know that Revenge Of The Fallen has three Razzies? I assume so.) They were both not received well critically, and the latter was one of the worst films I personally have ever seen, it occurred to me that for someone who has built his career around explosions and car wrecks you aren’t very good at them. The shooting in ROTF (Revenge of The Fallen) was so bad that you couldn’t actually see what was happening most of the time.
I honestly do hope that you take my advice, though it could be said that I needn’t watch the god-awful remakes that you seem so hell bent on producing; the fact is there very presence and existence dilutes the potency of the original. think to yourself “is this really what I want people to think of me?”
Thanks for reading
No comments:
Post a Comment