Hilarious things in Twilight

After my post about sexism in Twilight I decided to make a post just detailing some hodgepodge things I found hilarious about the books.

I am not the first person to point this out but. Here is a description of Bella from the book.

“I was ivory-skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine. I had always been slender, but soft somehow, obviously not an athlete"

And now here is Meyer's description of Bella

"very fair-skinned, with long, straight, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Her face is heart-shaped—a wide forehead with a widow's peak, large, wide-spaced eyes, prominent cheekbones, and then a thin nose and a narrow jaw with a pointed chin. Her lips are a little out of proportion, a bit too full for her jaw line. Her eyebrows are darker than her hair and more straight than they are arched. She's five foot four inches tall, slender but not at all muscular, and weighs about 115 pounds.”

Now what is wrong with that you may be asking yourselves? Well here is a picture of stepheney Meyer.

That's right she was describing herself, the book is pretty clearly self-insertion fiction, but this? This is almost to good to be true.

Then there is the name Bella Swan, Bella meaning beautiful (the ugly duckling get it?).

Then there is the time Stephen King said that Meyer 'cant write worth a damn', then something amazing happened Twilight fans on the internet began accusing Stephen King of being jealous of Meyer's success....STEPHEN KING! This is the man who has written dozens of best selling novels, the person who is basically the most well known horror author of all time, the man who has inspired the movie that formed the cornerstone of modern horror (Stanley Kubrick’s Masterpiece 'The Shining'),

And on top of that there is no shortage of hilarious quotes.

"traitor tears were on my cheeks, betraying me."

*clap* clap* *clap*

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

Jesus Wept

"'Aren't you hungry?' he asked, distracted. 'No.' I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies."

*groan* I think my head just exploded.

"I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry."

That is just about the creepiest thing I have ever heard, "while watching you sleep", he says it in such a manner of fact manner, like its something normal.

"This is the skin of a killer!"

"It gets easier. After a few decades, everyone you know is dead. Problem solved"

He's a keeper

"He was both dazzling and dazzled."

No comment

Sorry about some of the formatting problems in this post.